I feel like I live under a magnifying glass, even though there’s no need to magnify me.

I just started an antipsychotic, Geodon. No reason. Just fear. My short-term memory has been significantly impaired. I’m doing worse now than I was before.

But what would people think if I took a break from meds? The glass would draw closer.

I took a year off for pregnancy and breastfeeding, did just fine. Then I found out afterwards that my mother and husband were keeping close watch on me the entire time, communicating by e-mail about my every action and mood.

For me, being on meds. gives me freedom. If someone is “concerned” I can say, “Well, I’m on this, that and the other… I just started this.”

The meds are like a talisman that steer the magnifying glass away from me to some other ant.