Into the Void

It’s here, The Bipolar Planet® - Mobile Edition.

Since I got a data plan with the new cell phone I’m doing a lot more web browsing. My last cell phone had wireless so I didn’t bother with the data plan. Hmmm, it had a touchscreen too, and Windows Pocket PC rather than Windows Mobile phone edition. And was the size of a brick instead of the size of a candy bar.

Think about it: there are **scads** of middle-aged women driving around with handhelds looking to steal your bandwidth. Some of them want your files, too. Lock that wireless router, folks, especially if you share the C: drive on your home network.

Anyway, I’ve been spending more time on the mobile web and, well, sometimes you just have to say WTF. I got a .mobi domain and am distilling the entire planet into it. Sort of.

I’ll be adding content over the next couple of weeks. I’m evaluating chat sites now. This one looks ok.

Bipolar Planet® Chat
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Into the Void - Mobile Edition

Technorati: mobile web Self-Help bipolar+disorder

Powerful Sleep - Health & Energy Blog >> How to Overcome Procrastination with 4 S

As a lifelong procrastinator, I have to say Kacpar nailed it down pretty well. I think that where most of us fall short is this: when I make a commitment to myself, I have to treat it as seriously as if I’d made a commitment to someone else.

Powerful Sleep is great. If the only thing I got out of it was the concept of avoiding delta sleep during daytime naps, it would have been worth every penny.

Anosognosia for Hemiplegia: A Window into Self-Awareness

…Anosognosia brings questions of the origin of self-awareness to the forefront. How can someone lose the ability to know when she is or is not moving? Is this some type of elaborate Freudian defense mechanism, or is this person entirely unaware of her illness? How is self-awareness represented in the brain, and is this representation isolated from or attached to awareness of others? Though none of these questions are fully answerable at this time, research into anosognosia has provided scientists and philosophers with insight into some of these ancient questions of human consciousness.

Music Download: Red Bird & the Meatheads

Got an mp3 in an email from a friend the other day. As you can see above, Windows Media Player made an excellent visualization for the song, which is called Red Bird & the Meatheads.

it is about my birds. he would like me to tell you that the goofy voices are his singing what the birds yak. he does a good job. i am serious when i tell you that any resemblance to a parody of bob dylan is unintentional. it is magic, this song. i really believe that. he did it in twenty minutes & i– & this is me, remember, hyper-critical & knowledgeable about every perfect thing– i have rarely heard anything this accomplished done in even twenty hours or twenty days. me, i am yakking myself too much, so i will just send the mp3.

he would like me to tell you it is called “red bird & the meatheads.”

Technorati: music, mp3

Girl’s death stirs debate over psychiatric meds:
Parents of 4-year-old accused of intentionally overmedicating daughter

What is particularly heinous about this crime is that the parents were using psych meds as punishment instead of teaching their 4-year-old how to behave. The end came when the little girl was physically ill and the parents drugged her to shut her up.

I think they both deserve to get the needle themselves.

the needle psych meds

Thought for the Day:

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
– Jim Rohn
Quoted by Gary Craig in the EFT Insights Newsletter (July 6, 2007)

EFT emo

Surfing the ‘net again. The Christians have created a new fear - that a gay baby may have taken up residence in your uterus. Horrors! We liked it much better when Mia Farrow was infested with the Spawn of Satan in the movie “Rosemary’s Baby.”

Is Your Baby Gay? Pretty soon, a DNA test could tell you

In a culture that encourages us to customize everything from our Nikes to our venti skinny lattes, perhaps it is only a matter of time before baby-making becomes just another consumer transaction. Already have a girl? Make this one a boy! Want to impress your boho friends? Make a real statement with lesbian twins!

Christians must be very careful not to claim that science can never prove a biological basis for sexual orientation. We can and must insist that no scientific finding can change the basic sinfulness of all homosexual behavior. The general trend of the research points to at least some biological factors behind sexual attraction, gender identity, and sexual orientation. This does not alter God’s moral verdict on homosexual sin (or heterosexual sin, for that matter), but it does hold some promise that a deeper knowledge of homosexuality and its cause will allow for more effective ministries to those who struggle with this particular pattern of temptation. If such knowledge should ever be discovered, we should embrace it and use it for the greater good of humanity and for the greater glory of God.

The Christian Century: Mohler would favor altering ‘gay’ fetus

A prominent Southern Baptist said he would support medical treatment, if it were available, to change the sexual orientation of a fetus inside its mother’s womb from homosexual to heterosexual.

The idea of a hormonal patch for pregnant women was discussed by R. Albert Mohler Jr., president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky, on his blog, www.almohler.com, on March 2.

“If a biological basis is found, and if a prenatal test is then developed, and if a successful treatment to reverse the sexual orientation to heterosexual is ever developed, we would support its use as we should unapologetically support the use of any appropriate means to avoid sexual temptation and the inevitable effects of sin,” Mohler wrote.

At some point you have to just STOP and think. An embryo isn’t gay. It *can’t* be gay. It doesn’t have gonads or sex hormones or even the basis of a central nervous system, much less the desire to use these things in potentially offensive ways. What an embryo is, say the anti-women groups, is the potential to be a full-grown god-fearing Crown of Creation.

A fetus gradually develops gonads and a nervous system, but sex hormones don’t kick in for years. There’s no cause to start “altering” gay fetuses. You know, if you don’t spend a lot of time agonizing over exactly what kind of fun other people are having in their bedrooms, homosexuality becomes a complete non-issue.

You know, I hear they have therapy for phobias these days. Can we put homophobia in the DSM-V?

homosexual DNA test gender identity Albert Mohler gay biological basis sexual orientation homosexual gay babies sterilization abortion Spawn of Satan Mia Farrow religion

Like many folks on psych meds, I’m obese. I make no excuses. I hate being fat and I’m doing what I can.

The other weekend I decided to break my diet and have breakfast at a Perkins Pancake House on a Sunday morning with two family members who are also on psych meds for bipolar disorder.

As the three of us were being led back to the table one of the wait staff looked me over then turned and called out to another staff member, “We got three pork chops!”

There is simply no call for Perkins employees to verbally abuse their customers, not even the lard-asses. It was the low spot of the day, and it has totally dimmed my enthusiasm for Perkins restaurants. I most certainly won’t set foot in the Moorestown, NJ restaurant again. Too bad for them, because when I’m there I eat a lot.

Perkins Pancake House obesity bipolar disorder rude waiters bipolar

I worked late Thursday night because I’ve been having trouble getting there on time. Typically I leave at around 8, and it’s a 45 minute drive home.

I’ve been in that place where… well, it’s as if I need to stop and let my mind catch its breath, if that makes sense. Instead, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and trudging onward in this death march we call life.

Of course, my mind is taking this opportunity to slap me around. Self-defeating thoughts like:
I’m a fraud, I’m only pretending to be an engineer.
Everything I’ve ever done was stupid
or hurtful
or self-destructive.
My husband only stays with me because he made a promise to my mother to take care of me when she was on her deathbed. (Nice dramatic touch.)
Creationists don’t want their children to be more successful than they are, because that would support the theory of evolution.
Pro-lifers love rapists almost as much as they hate women.
Millenialists are working on bringing about a utopian, agrarian 1000-year peace through war in the Middle East, and are too unsophisticated to understand that a 1000-year global interregnum doesn’t equal peace, it equals The Dark Ages.
Evangelicals want to kill non-believers just as desperately as the Wahabbist Islamics want to.

I mean, rationally I know it’s all BS, but that’s how I FEEL. As long as I don’t let it suck me in intellectually too I’ll be fine.

But let me clarify, That’s what my neurotransmitters are trying to do to me. *I’m* ok. It’s the bipolar talking, it’s pessimism.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Well, that’s the point of going to support groups, right? To learn how to move forward even when we don’t care about any of it. We don’t have to get sucked in. It’s about having a rational, objective observer. Yes, so I have a shitload of training in how to be logical and objective.

I wish everybody took four years of science and five years of math in high school. It’s a good start. It teaches you how to think and how to form conclusions. If you let it, it also teaches you how to be objective.

Eh, well, I can still feel it and the thoughts are there when I’m not thinking about anything else.

On Thursday I told the boss I’d be taking a mental health day Friday. Cranked out the first version of Friday’s work and tested it on the hardware. Updated a test document. RARed the whole mess, dropped it into my shared docs for review. Sent the boss an email with a 9:30PM timestamp so he knows when I left. Heaved a sigh of relief and headed home.

I was in an accident on the way home. I was on the turnpike about a mile from my exit. There’s construction near the exit and some fellow came flying down and rear-ended me.

I’m ok, got the wind knocked out of me by the impact and breathed in some Hybrid nastiness. Contusions on my chest and abdomen from the seat belt, nausea, vertigo, and a neck sprain, but nothing life-threatening.

I suspect that my car is a total loss. It’s a classic Prius. The rear was crushed in so deep it cut through the tire and jammed the wheels. The auxiliary battery was crushed and exuding a visible a cloud of acid. Fortunately most of that got sucked into his car, not mine. The Prius avenges its own death. I don’t know how the hybrid battery fared. It may have taken out a cell or so on the left side.

Standing in a construction zone on the turnpike at 10:15PM with all the sirens and flashing lights and cars flying by just a few feet away was the most frightening thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. I had to hang onto the concrete barrier to keep myself from running away.

I was looking for an excuse to buy a new car. Maybe a Toyota Matrix. I playing around online this morning comparing prices.

Mishaps are like knives. They can cut you or they can serve you depending upon whether you grab them by the blade or by the handle.