Into the Void

How to identify mania:

One way is to make a rough calculation of the percentage of support list email that is yours. Is half the email yours? That’s the support list equivalent of being at a party and running around in a frenzy trying to keep tabs on every conversation.

My personal favorite way to tell is to read my own posts and count how many times I begin a paragraph with the word “I”. If I write a post and every goddam sentence is about me, me, me, then I know that I should be talking to a therapist instead of taking energy from people whose boundaries are too soft for them to say or even think “no” or “you are a boring, self-involved twit.” When folks talk talk talk, it’s because there’s something that they want to say. Not the mush that comes tumbling out in idle chit-chat, but something important and maybe life-changing. OMFG, no, keep talking loud and fast so that you can’t hear it.

In case you aren’t aware of yourself enough to gauge when your thoughts are racing, you are emotionally labile, or you are feeling overly optimistic, grandiose, charitable, attractive, psychotic or whatever else might be part of your mania, then you have to focus on your behavior. Or more specifically to others’ reactions to your behavior.

I realize that gaining some awareness is the first step in being able to reduce your meds, get out and make new friends, do volunteer work or maybe even get job training, and eventually even stop hating yourself and your bipolar disorder. In a way, allowing yourself to be competent and independent is like sawing off the branch you’re sitting on if your continued access to medical care requires that you be sick enough to qualify for it.

Can you imagine being paid to stay sick?

“Vocatus atque non vocatus… deus aderit
Called or not called , GOD will be present.”
– Inscription on Gravestone of Professor Dr. Carl G. Jung, Kusnacht, Switzerland
Quoted from Heaven’s Register

Have you read any Jung? Jung was a medical doctor whose father was a philospher and pastor. Jung believed that God is not “out there” but is inside us all. God is our subconscious mind! You feel deep down what is right, now don’t you?

Jung pointed out that God evolved morally over the course of biblical history. That’s right, God got better and better. He had to, to keep up with his children’s moral evolution.

Being the firstborn is a curse for a lot of reasons, and it didn’t start with that whole “Dad forgot to paint the lintels” thing.

It can be deduced from the concept of a morally evolving God that Jesus Christ was the manifestation of this evolution. the “God made flesh.” God hoped that a physical manifestation would convince the Pharisees, the NT version of the Religious Right, to evolve too. It didn’t work, though. The Pharisees, like any hierarchical structure heavenly or temporal, were notoriously inflexible. Anything the Pharisees disagreed with was a sin, Evil, abomination. As a child Jesus was almost stoned for breaking one of the old rules.

If God is within us, then the fight between good and evil is going on inside us too. In Jung’s words, “from the psychological point of view demons are nothing other than intruders from the unconscious, spontaneous irruptions of unconscious complexes into the continuity of the conscious process.”

Here’s a simplification derived from Alan Watts‘ Tribute to Carl Jung. Satan isn’t in me, it can’t be, because I am Good. The Evil and the hate must be over there in you! (That’s the non-self-aware speaking, the one with Blind Faith and no reason.)

Look in your heart. Both good and evil are right there inside your own subconscious, making you act out their presence. Like a projector you are shining your own ugly thoughts onto the blank screens of the A-theists. This is the psychology of evil.

And until you discover your self-contradictions, you will always hate anyone who disagrees with you.

As for me, I’m not afraid of the guru. I’m afraid of the people who threaten me with eternal torture in his name.

Does the word “uncompromising” mean “having strong values” or does it mean “selfish, stubborn, and uncooperative?” Mostly I hear the word uncompromising in advertisements for large gas-guzzling SUVs. Stand your ground, you deserve as much gasoline as you can get!

Ok, let me parse that word that is so proudly used in advertisements, and worse, by our leaders.

Main Entry: un·com·pro·mis·ing
Pronunciation: \-?m?-zi?\
Function: adjective
Date: 1800
: not making or accepting a compromise : making no concessions : inflexible, unyielding
- Merriam-Webster Dictionary: uncompromising

Ah, inflexible. Are we talking about a lack of neuroplasticity again? I submit, then, that if a person is uncompromising then they have a mental deficiency that renders them incapable of making the compromises that smooth interpersonal and even international relationships. That explains a thing or two.

Main Entry: in·flex·i·ble
Pronunciation: \(?)in-?flek-s?-b?l\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin inflexibilis, from in- + flexibilis flexible
Date: 14th century
1 : rigidly firm in will or purpose : unyielding
2 : not readily bent : lacking or deficient in suppleness
3 : incapable of change : unalterable
— in·flex·i·bil·i·ty \-?flek-s?-?bi-l?-t?\ noun
— in·flex·i·ble·ness \-?flek-s?-b?l-n?s\ noun
— in·flex·i·bly \-bl?\ adverb
synonyms inflexible, obdurate, adamant mean unwilling to alter a predetermined course or purpose. inflexible implies rigid adherence or even slavish conformity to principle <inflexible in their demands>. obdurate stresses hardness of heart and insensitivity to appeals for mercy or the influence of divine grace <obdurate in his refusal to grant clemency>. adamant implies utter immovability in the face of all temptation or entreaty <adamant that the work should continue>.
synonyms see in addition stiff
- Merriam-Webster Dictionary: inflexible

HA! Merriam-Webster doesn’t have an entry for neuroplasticity. I guess they’re Republicans too.

A reminder: I’m an engineer. This is all my opinion based on readings in a field that is not my own. I request that as you read my posts, you also check my references.

Cigarettes are powerful anti-anxiety drugs. It’s my opinion that may smokers are self-medicating an anxiety disorder.

Nicotine has calming effects on stress-induced mood changes in females, but enhances aggressive mood in males

“Exposure to moderate stress significantly increased ratings of anxiety, discontent and aggression and nicotine blocked these mood changes in females, but enhanced them in males. This suggests that young women may start regular smoking as a form of stress self-medication, which implies that preventative and smoking cessation programmes would be more successful in women if they addressed issues of stress and anxiety, which may be core factors underlying initiation and maintenance of regular smoking.”

A bipolar most certainly will get a high score on an ADD screening test like the Copeland symptom checklist. The symptoms of ADD overlap with the symptoms of bipolar. A bipolar child scores higher on the ADD screening test that a child with ADD. Your GP isn’t qualified to make a differential diagnosis, and in fact is likely to misdiagnose you and make your illness worse.

I’m going to quote from articles about children because misdiagnosis kills so many of them. It applies to adults too, but we don’t have parents to FORCE us to continue taking ritalin when it is obviously tearing us to pieces.

Diagnosing Bipolar VS. ADHD: Similarities

“There is concern that ADHD is being overdiagnosed and bipolar disorder underdiagnosed in the population of children.”

That being said, yes, I have ADHD combined type. My psychiatrist diagnosed it after I’d been seeing him for 10 years and after an evaluation that DIDN’T included taking an ADD screening test. Screening tests are useless for bipolars. You have to be cautious.

I have been through the entire pharmacopia, or it seems that way. Every ADD med I’ve taken makes me hypomanic within a week. So how I work it is that on days I really REALLY need to focus I take it. I have tried:
Ritalin (methyphenidate) - this is the one they give our children. Somebody please explain to me why 40% of American children need psych meds?
Strattera - this was the absolute worst for me. It interferes with metabolism in the liver of SSRIs, resulting in a huge buildup of both drugs. I was up there in 3 days and in a nasty mixed state in a week.
Provigil - similar to Strattera, but takes longer to build up. YMMV! :-)
Adderall - amphetamine. SPEED FREAK! Three days in a row and I’m have “racoon eyes” and am well on my way to psychosis.

Strattera Risks May Widen
FDA,s warning about Eli Lilly’s drug Strattera causing suicidal thinking in children used for ADHD caught many parents and doctors by surprise.

“Dr. Laughren says the agency also plans to ask Lilly to include a stronger caution on Strattera’s label about its risk of inducing mania and similar mood destabilization, along with the new “black box” warning out this week. The new warning will focus on the drug’s risks for kids with undiagnosed bipolar illness, according to Dr. Laughren. In fact, “very often bipolar illness is not recognized until you [give] patients a drug like Strattera,” he says.”

Bipolar Disorder, Co-occurring Conditions, and the Need for Extreme Caution Before Initiating Drug Treatment

“Now understanding that early-onset bipolar disorder is frequently co-morbid with other childhood psychiatric conditions, doctors and parents should be concerned that a medication used to treat these other conditions may “flush out” a previously quiescent bipolar gene that can significantly worsen the course of illness and potentially wreak havoc with that child’s life. It is therefore vitally important that parents learn everything they can about their family histories, and if mood disorders (depression or manic-depression), suicide, or alcoholism come to light, treatment should proceed very cautiously. Mood stabilizers should perhaps be the first line of treatment (and it may take two such medications to stabilize the child), and attentional, obsessional, or depressive symptoms be treated only after a therapeutic dose of the mood stabilizer is achieved.”

The Overlap With ADHD

Perhaps the greatest source of diagnostic confusion in childhood bipolar disorder is that its symptoms overlap with many of the symptoms of attention-deficit disorder with hyperactivity. At first glance, any child who can’t sit still, who is fidgety, impulsive, easily distracted or emotionally labile is more likely to receive a diagnosis of ADHD than bipolar disorder. However, since over 80 percent of children with a bipolar disorder will meet full criteria for attention-deficit disorder with hyperactivity, ADHD should be diagnosed only after bipolar disorder is ruled out. While these two conditions seem highly co-morbid, stimulants unopposed by a mood stabilizer can have an adverse effect on the bipolar condition. 65 percent of the children in our study had hypomanic, manic and aggressive reactions to stimulant medications. Parents wrote to us and described some of their children’s reactions to stimulants. They said things like: “He got sky-high on Ritalin and then violent”; “Ritalin caused physical aggression”; “She got psychotic on stimulants”; “He got suicidal and tried to get run over by a car”; “He went bonkers…”

Don’t let a GP play with screening tests. See a psychiatrist.

Technorati: bipolar bipolar+disorder ADD ADHD Nicotine Copeland+symptom+checklist

“Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!”
– Dr. Suess

RealMagick Article: The Seven Shaman Principles by Serge Kahill King

Thought for the Day:

Hallucination means “your dream doesn’t match my dream.”

The long awaited Manic-Depressive Illness: Bipolar Disorders and Recurrent Depression, Second Edition, by Frederick K. Goodwin and Kay Redfield Jamison is finally in stores.

Hopefully you have the first edition. It is *the* reference book for bipolar disorder. Over the years many of the hypotheses set forth in the first edition have been proven out. It’s all there. Phototherapy, circadian rhythms, bipolar creativity. The effects of lithium on the suicide rate. Why we must avoid unopposed antidepressants. And that’s what I saw just riffling the pages! I can’t wait to sit down and read the medical roadmap that Drs. Goodwin and Jamison set out for the next 15 years.

A sample chapter is available for download from the Oxford University Press.

If you apply for the Amazon.com Visa when you make the purchase you can get a hefty rebate. Yippee!

Technorati: antidepressants lithium bipolar+disorder manic+depression circadian+rhythms Depression Kay+Redfield+Jamison Manic+Depressive+Illness Phototherapy suicide

“Cosmic Love is absolutely Ruthless and Highly Indifferent: it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not.”
– Dr. John C. Lilly, “The Dyadic Cyclone”

quoted on John C. Lilly Homepage

Technorati: John+C+Lilly cosmic+love John+Lilly

This sexy Italian graced the Table of Contents of the June issue of a popular alternative health magazine. It appears to be the shadow of a naked woman, complete with nipples.
This photo looks like something right out of a Wilson Bryan Key book.You may remember his fun books, The Clam Plate Orgy, which explains why so many folks who can’t stand fried clams buy the clam plate at HoJo’s.
Mr. Keys books are about subliminal messages in advertising. I’ve probably stated before that American psychology is largely directed toward predicting and manipulating the behavior of large numbers of people. Thus one of the earliest Behaviorists, John B. Watson, found a lucrative position in advertising after he was drummed out of academia.

Key’s examples are pretty funny, and a lot of so-called experts state outright that he was insane. Well, what is insanity but being uncomfortably aware of unacknowledged details? But in most cases the experts give no reason other than that we are too intelligent to be fooled by what often amount to optical illusions. Still, it’s rather disconcerting to find out that your favorite products may be your favorites not because they are superior products, but simply because the packaging appeals to your aesthetic sense. If you can find a used copy of one of his books, I highly recommend it, if only for the dirty pictures. ;-)

Click the Sexy Italian to see her in context. Trace down the lighting from the object that is supposed to be casting the shadow and it will become obvious that somebody in the magazine’s advertising department has quite a sense of humor.

Technorati: subliminal+advertising Wilson+Bryan+Key Clam+Plate+Orgy subliminal+messages behaviorists psychology

Sign on the wall at the cashier’s station in a drive-through Taco Bell. The sign has since been moved, apparently because Taco Bell realized that customers can read. I doubt that it’s because Corporate noticed that there is an epidemic of obesity in the US.

ATTENTION CASHIERS

When ringing up a Value Meal your reply to the customer must be…

“That is a Large Value Meal. will there be anything else?”

Do not ask:
- Medium or Large?
- What size?
- Do you want Medium?

Super-size me tacos obesity Value Meal