Into the Void

Go to Google http://www.google.com/
Type in the word “failure” - no quotes
Hit the “I’m feeling lucky” button

Snakes On A Plane!

What else do you need to know? How the snakes get on the plane, what the snakes do once they’re on the plane, who puts the snakes on the plane, who is trying to get the snakes off the plane…This is not for you to ponder. There are snakes on the plane. End of fucking story.

I’ve got to see this movie. Samuel L. Jackson kicks snake butt. Hey, do snakes even have butts? I don’t know.
Picture it… you’re flying in coach wedged between a guy who’s coughing like a tuberculosis patient and an over-dressed woman who wants to engage you for the next three hours with her desperately boring life story. There’s a kid kicking your seat back and a baby howling in the row in front of you. The flight attendants are surly and slow. The in-flight meal was a bag of peanuts and some warm, flat soda, which are synergistically chewing a hole in your stomach. And the plane is in a patch of turbulence. You want to use the rest room, if only the aforementioned over-dressed woman will decide what she’s drinking and let the flight attendants move the damn cart out of the way.
Suddenly, Samuel L. Jackson, followed by a seething mass of venomous vipers, stumbles in from first class, waving his arms wildly and shrieking
Snakes On a Plane!
Where do you go? What do you do? FOR GOD’S SAKE, CAN’T SOMEBODY CATCH THEM AND RETURN THEM TO THEIR NATIVE HABITAT?
Yesssssssss, I definitely will see this movie. In the theater, too, I’m not waiting for the DVD.
And I want to add the title to my lexicon. I’m going to drop the f-word, forget “dang”, and throw away a half-dozen other inane, ineffectual expletives.
Snakes On A Plane!

Brought to you by the U.S. Government Bureau of Superheroes.

Instead of doing anything useful I extracted some of the more interesting subject lines from my Junk folder.
I think I will start a School of Philosophy.

this helps enhance the experience regardless if u need it or not

and regardless of if u want it or not.

A fresh bright mouth

Swallowed a flashlight, did you?

And fill at unleavened prick

It’s not kosher if it rises.

Another pro VIÃGRRA

And here I’ve been using the home version!

At sing in easily elkhound

You ain’t nothing but a hound dog…

Be drink as gringo

We don’t need no drinkin’ straws!

Be fix be polytechnic bigot

Dental adhesive for racist engineers?

Best Erection Drugs ! limpet

If he won’t buy it, insult him.

Drugs ‘R Us

We B’ Wasted.

Friendly notification

We won’t be so nice next time.

Get White-Hot Offers from Crest

Wipe your chin…

Go break at comet

Wear purple Nikes.

Go hurt of jackrabbit woman

Hard liquor and fast women.

HAIR LOSS? GET REAL!

Cheap transplants from China.

here we come! sesame informatica

Encyclopedia for baby geniuses?

his try on scalar fig

My try on vector qumquat.

I complain to flivver saint

Hail Ford, full of Grease!

I finish on muckheap

I suppose we all wind up there in the end.

I sing the toxaemia agglutination

We poisons have to stick together!

Make her worship you!… gasoline

Diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend.

My shady past affirmative deerskin

I used to say yes to leather.

my wife algae excrescent

(This must be a really bad translation.)

New product! Cialis soft tabs.

An oxymoron.

No Physical leslie

I’m a software construct.

Of spend go ephemeral infrastructure

All we are is dust in the wind.

popularity pills

Mojo in a bottle?

Sex is a play

Are you waiting in the wings?

Single? Christian? Let us match you

Dating service for reCreationists.

Summer with Levitra Mohammed

New movie got a standing ovulation in Baghdad.

Tag

You’re IT!

These stocks may make You Money

…but probably won’t.

this little blue pill can do wonders for your relationship

Mother’s little helper.

Tips for flying with kids

Give them VàLL1UM.

To understand my contrite barbarian

Pillager retraining.

win the rat race

…take steroids.

Women everywhere will love you!

Get-rich-quick scheme.

Sock puppet - Encyclopedia Dramatica.

Just found this wonderful site yesterday. It’s all about the Internets, “invented by Al Gore and pluralized by George W. Bush”.

It’s also a great place to get tips on making your life interesting and everybody else’s lives miserable. And how to deal with dramatis personae who wish to make all the world their stage.

Like the Drama Whores who hang out with the mentally ill in support groups, manipulating people who actually need support into throwing pity parties for them. Nobody heals if an environment like that gets out of hand.

There are tips on creating Drama, important definitions such as “Mary Sue” - see previous post - and psychological profiles of various Internets Personality Disorders (IPD).

One of the more disturbing IPDs is “species dysmorphia“, a paraphilia in which the sufferer identifies too strongly with the animal cartoon characters from Saturday mornings. You probably know one or two of these. The chubby neighbors with too many plushies in the back window of their car?

Confused? Don’t worry, The Governator will explain it to you.

All-in-all a good laugh. Unless you’re a Mary Sue.

Results…

You are Mulier badasstica pseudofeminista,
the Grrl Sue. Your aggressively bitchy
“feminist” stance only causes men /
boys / male elves to posture the more, and you
fall for it. And them. Surprise, surprise.

What Species of Mary Sue Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Click for larger picture.
[Thanks, Max!]

One day widder biddy Wussley is all so sad….
He sez:
“Nobody WUVs me enny more… I think I will just commit sewer pipes in a big nasty way and make my mommy all mad and everything!”

Google Groups : alt.ensign.wesley.die.die.die
Very old ST:TNG humor. I almost named this blog after it.
*spoiler* don’t go if you liked Ensign Wesley Crusher or if you dislike skull fragments.

Barking Man Bites Mailman

Plumb said he bit the carrier as a joke, and has no history of criminal activity or mental illness, police said.