It seems that my Snakes on a Plane category is the number one search result on google.co.uk for the phrase “snakes on a plane sex bit.” Rather odd, since this person had Firefox’s safe search feature active.
While I was marvelling at my search ranking I checked out the next result, a movie review on a site called, “Kids in Mind.” It was pretty funny. This creepy web site’s review of Snakes on a Plane consisted of a list of the profanity, violence and sex in the movie, followed by descriptions of the movie scene where the profanity, violence or sex occurred.
PROFANITY 6 - 18 F-words and its derivatives, 13 sexual references, 17 scatological terms, 11 anatomical terms, 15 mild obscenities, name-calling (punk), 5 religious profanities, 12 religious exclamations.
Hmmm, I only counted 15 F-words. I’ll have to watch the DVD again.
I can just imagine some sex-obsessed freak watching Snakes on a Plane over and over to count the snake bites AND, incidentally, to see a woman’s actual naked breast in the uhhhh sex bit. Horrors! Anything to promote Family Values, eh? I find it rather sick to post a list like that on a site called “Kids in Mind.” Anyone looking for kids’ movies with their kids might stumble upon it. Sheesh.
The newly-released “[tag]Snakes on a Plane[/tag]” DVD finally arrived yesterday. In case you didn’t see the movie in theaters, it is just exactly what you would expect: snakes, snakes, Samuel L. Jackson, and more snakes. There’s a hint of plot, some hot simulated sex, and a bit of dialog, but mostly it’s about the snakes.
The extra features alone were worth the price of the DVD. There’s a short feature on the snake stars of the movie called “Meet the Reptiles.” Jules Sylvester, the snake-handler for the movie, worked on the “Born Free” TV show in the ’60s. The snakes are named in the script - the 17-foot Burmese Python called “Kong” in the movie script is named “Kitty” in real life. You are what you eat, I suppose.
If you’re a hard-core “Snakes” fan, there’s even a puzzle book, “Snakes on a Sudoku.” If you’re a sudoku fan, you have to try these. Instead of squares, the puzzles have snake-shaped areas. You’ll love it.
They’ve done merchandizing out the wazoo. A music CD, a 2007 calendar. Hmmm, I haven’t bought a calendar yet. And don’t miss the official Snakes on a Plane Treo with the genuine snakeskin case.
What else do you need to know? How the snakes get on the plane, what the snakes do once they’re on the plane, who puts the snakes on the plane, who is trying to get the snakes off the plane…This is not for you to ponder. There are snakes on the plane. End of fucking story.
I’ve got to see this movie. Samuel L. Jackson kicks snake butt. Hey, do snakes even have butts? I don’t know.
Picture it… you’re flying in coach wedged between a guy who’s coughing like a tuberculosis patient and an over-dressed woman who wants to engage you for the next three hours with her desperately boring life story. There’s a kid kicking your seat back and a baby howling in the row in front of you. The flight attendants are surly and slow. The in-flight meal was a bag of peanuts and some warm, flat soda, which are synergistically chewing a hole in your stomach. And the plane is in a patch of turbulence. You want to use the rest room, if only the aforementioned over-dressed woman will decide what she’s drinking and let the flight attendants move the damn cart out of the way.
Suddenly, Samuel L. Jackson, followed by a seething mass of venomous vipers, stumbles in from first class, waving his arms wildly and shrieking Snakes On a Plane!
Where do you go? What do you do? FOR GOD’S SAKE, CAN’T SOMEBODY CATCH THEM AND RETURN THEM TO THEIR NATIVE HABITAT?
Yesssssssss, I definitely will see this movie. In the theater, too, I’m not waiting for the DVD.
And I want to add the title to my lexicon. I’m going to drop the f-word, forget “dang”, and throw away a half-dozen other inane, ineffectual expletives. Snakes On A Plane!
Snakes on a Plane
Family Values
F-word
recycled canvas
